Gaurded (If you saw me you would never guess prompt)

     If you saw me, you would never guess how crazy I truly am. I look "normal", just a teenage girl. Look at me and you see blond hair, blue eyes, tan skin and pristine nails. In that moment you see a human Barbie doll. However, inside I feel like G.I.Joe with PTSD. I haven't experienced an intense traumatic thing or anything like that, I just am constantly in a state of paranoia. Why should I feel paranoid? Normal kids don't feel paranoid, or at least not like this.

     It wasn't until I was in my first true depression that the stress caved in on me. I felt like an invisible hand was literally pounding on my back, like punches. My anxiety envelops me and chokes me, and this led to the panic attacks, which drag me into a pit of crippling depression that I cannot escape from. My parents don't believe me. They think I'm just a silly child. I don't blame them. There is no reason for me to feel this, my life is practically perfect.

     The funny thing is that because my friends can't read my thoughts or see the internal battle that is waging in my mind, they often say that they are jealous of my life. They really wonder why I laugh at that statement.

     I have attempted suicide a total of nine times now. No one knows. No one sees what I do, and I don't want them to. This is not for any one's benefit. I don't try to end it all for sympathy, it simply seems like the only way out. I don't try to hang myself or anything gruesome, I don't want more pain, I want escape from it. I take painkillers and go to sleep, welcoming death silently. However, no matter how many pills I take, I never even end up sick.

     During the sleep, in my dreams, I see a man, but not a normal man, he is a human form, made entirely out of light. I call him the bright man. Every time I get close to death, he wakes me up. When he wakes me up, I no longer feel the depression choking me, he is the only thing that frees me. I have stopped wanting death, now what I need is the bright man to wake me up. I am going back in tonight, and I will see what the bright man is.

     I place a bottle of pills in my hand and down the whole thing, chasing them with a bottle of water. I walk to my bed and lie down. I close my eyes and prepare myself. In my drug induced dreamland, I see a distant figure. It is not my bright man, but a tan skinned woman, with flowing blond hair. I open my mouth to speak to her, but she fades away. Everything is melting away from me, it is getting dark, when suddenly, a burst of light removes the existing scenery, replacing it with a white room.

"Stop this Carrie." The bright man whispers.
"What are you?" I ask quietly.
"A friend." The bright man responds as he lifts me up, carrying me like a child in his arms.
"No, what are you?" I ask again, loudly this time. I look at his face and he places me on the ground, turning away. His light is dimming, as is the whole room.
"Carrie, I'm not even allowed-"
"Please, I have to know!" I plead. His light has dimmed completely now, I stand in darkness.
"Carrie, please don't do this to me. Just let me help you. You are slipping away." I close my eyes.

     When I open them, I am standing at the foot of my bed, looking at my sleeping body. Am I dead? Is this what death feels like? It still feels like I'm dreaming. I look to the right and see the bright man, dressed in full armor, beside me.

"What is going on?" I ask.
"You are looking at things from a new perspective, mine to be exact." He says.
"Is your perspective always positioned at the foot of my bed? Or just while I'm asleep?"
"I am always watching you Carrie."
"Oh yeah, that makes me feel very secure, uber bright gladiator man."
"This is my job, Carrie! I have to watch you at all times because you can't protect yourself from yourself. You should really thank the 'uber bright gladiator man'. Without me you would be just another victim of another crime."
"How is watching me sleep helping me? Who do you think you are?"
"I am your GUARDIAN, Carrie!"
"What?"
"I'm your guardian angel. Everywhere you go, I am always right behind you, protecting you from harm. You still have so much that you can do Carrie, I can't let you ruin your own destiny by ending your life. Technically, I'm not allowed to revive you, but I do. I feel greatness inside of you Carrie, I can't let you throw that away." He reaches toward me and grasps my hand, he looks into my eyes.
"So, you could have just let me die, and would have been done with me?"
"Yes."
"But you didn't?"
"No."
"Why?"
"If you allow yourself to persevere through this, you will do beautiful and wonderful things for our world."
"What if I can't persevere?"
"I will always be with you, to guide and push you."
"Why me though? I'm not stable!"
"No human being is stable. You all feel the pain you are currently feeling, some just deal with it differently."
"But I-"
"Carrie, stop making excuses for yourself. You doubt your abilities and give up, but you have great potential. You can impact your world, if only you see that death is not an escape, but a dead end. The only way to end the pain is to push on through it. I can't choose your path for you anymore. Give up and fall into eternal blackness and pain, or wake up and do what you were destined for." He faded away and in that moment I decided my fate. I closed my eyes.

When I woke up, I saw my life for what it truly was. I was no longer being trapped by depression and anxiety. I was no longer paranoid because I knew I had someone on my side. Instead of feeling like I was being beaten, I walked tall, knowing that I was guarded. Now, I knew that I was ready to live life, not just fake happiness.